Everyone’s genitalia is different. Anal is not as quick and easy to do as it looks. People really do wear condoms. Sex is always consensual. Nonconsensual sexual action is rape. Porn is lying to you. Most friends I met in my freshman year in residence had never had sex, or were new to exploring their sexual lifestyle. I became the cheerleading coach of their sex lives with my Freshman’s Guide to Sex, which can be just as useful for non-newbies. This guide is by no means complete; it is just to help educate you on the basics!
Pain
The first time , or any time after, is not normally suppose to hurt or bleed for a person with a vagina. Proper preparation, foreplay, and lubrication can make your sex life pleasant and enjoyable. As it should be. Relax your muscles, build up to it with foreplay over time. (Disclosure: Everyone’s body is different. It may hurt/bleed for some people and this is okay, but it is not very common.)
Birth Control
Always have condoms. At the very least, be clear beforehand as to who is providing them. Your residential dons have them for free. Condoms are smart. Condoms are good. Condoms can be fun in colours, flavours, and textures… especially the ribbed ones. (Do NOT try the Fire and Ice type; it burns!) If you are embarrassed acquiring condoms, ask yourself why you’re embarrassed, and if you’re even ready for sex. Condoms won’t work if put on upside down. Practice, and have extras. Make sure to have the wearer hold the base of the condom when they pull out. It can get stuck inside the wearer’s partner if they do not notice, and cause an infection.
If you need a dental dam, you can cut a condom into a large rectangle and use this! Remember: condoms are only 98% effective when used properly. Do not flush your condoms! Tie them in a knot to keep the sperm in and throw them in your trash. Talk to your doctor about the best type of additional birth control. The pill, the patch, IUD, etc. Do you really want to risk pregnancy? Tuition, rent, and food is expensive enough! Even with a birth control method, you should still use condoms to defend against STI’s, and also because it will help ease the wearer in with the smooth latex and lubricant.
Tip: Trent is a breeding ground for chlamydia, so seriously, wear a condom. Talk to your partner about the plan if you do get pregnant. Talk about what you are both agreeing to consensually do during sex. If you don’t feel comfortable saying no, choose another safe word that means ‘no’ and ‘stop.’ (If you cannot comfortably do these, ask yourself why, as well as if you are ready for sex with this partner.)
During Sex
Foreplay is your friend! If it is your first time especially, fingering will help gradually stretch the vagina/anus to prepare for penetration. A loosened vagina is an aroused vagina, but it’s a little more work with anal. If you don’t get very wet but feel comfortable and turned on, don’t worry, just use lubricant! Waterbased is easier to clean up, but oil based lasts longer. Relax, have fun! If you are stressed or nervous, your penetrated muscles will tighten and cause discomfort or pain.
One trick to relax is to take a deep breath out, and relax your lower body, while your partner makes small thrusts until they slide right in. Feel free to try different positions in order to find your favourites. Sometimes certain positions don’t work for certain people, and that’s okay! Everyone’s genitalia is different; some are tilted one way or enjoy different spots.
Dont be afraid to say “a little further up” or “slower.” You want to pleasure your partner, right? Well, they want to pleasure you too, so help them do it right! And for those applicable, don’t be afraid to direct your partner’s penis toward your vaginal opening; you probably know where it is quicker than your partner.
Orgasming
For people with a vagina who enjoy penetration during sex, you probably will not orgasm the first time. In fact only 25% of women can orgasm at all through vaginal penetration alone. That is not even bringing the statistic down to how many people orgasm the first time with someone; your partner needs to learn and understand your body well in order to bring an orgasm. Don’t fake it; if you are honest and build trust, you are more likely to orgasm sooner in your relationship, and a lot of the vaginal orgasm is mental stimulation. Plus if you fake it, your partner may think they know what they did to make you feel that good, and will continue doing that.
Afterwards
Clean up. And pee! You want to flush out any bacteria that may have entered your body. For people with a vagina, peeing will absolutely hurt. This is normal as you made hundreds of tiny tears in your labia and the urine is cleaning them out. Trust me, it will hurt much much more if you wait until the morning.For those applicable, if for some reason you did not use a condom and your partner’s sperm entered your vagina, squatting over a rag helps to bring some sperm out.
Never douche yourself, just take a warm bath and relax, or use your shower head to to clean yourself. Sex is natural and your vagina has a natural cleansing process. Cuddle, and talk about what was great and what you want to try differently next time. This doesn’t mean you and your partner(s) must be in a relationship, but even if you are only having sex once, it is usually great to exchange notes. Respect your partner. Don’t tell people things they wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing. Don’t ignore your partner in public, even if you don’t plan on being friends. We can make Trent happy, safe, and sexy.
Editor’s Note: A portion of birth control is covered by your Health Insurance through the TCSA.
