It is a touchy subject, but it does come up in the queer community. Why are people queer? Are you born that way or are horrific events such as sexual abuse possibly the cause? I wanted the real perspective from someone who both has been a victim of sexual abuse and someone from the queer community.
That’s what led me to anonymously interview a friend of mine whose story and strength helps shed some light about this situation.
How many relationships have you been in?
Two with men, not that they lasted very long…
Were they physical relationships?
No.
Why?
I did not feel comfortable having physical relationships with them at the time.
Have you ever been interested in having physical relationships with people?
No, not currently.
Why you are not comfortable yet with physical relationships?
A part of it is suffering from sexual abuse as a child when I was around 8 years old. I mean I could get over that part though, if it was with the right person. I mean I liked the two people I have dated, but I didn’t love them. I need a strong enough emotional connection. People could assume trust is a factor, but in reality those people just didn’t do it for me. They didn’t give me butterflies or get me excited.
Why do you think people assume that sexual abuse would be the cause of your sexuality?
People assume that people turn queer because of sexual abuse, but looking at statistics… rape is extremely high in Canada. There is a lot of room for overlap. People can be more targeted because of the queer community. Talking about child sexual abuse though, there’s going to be overlap no matter what. I don’t understand the train of thought where if you’re sexually abused you are automatically going to go to liking the other sex. I don’t understand how someone hurting someone is going to cause butterflies and attraction to someone else. The only thing it could cause is distrust.
Do you feel like you have gotten past the abuse, or if not could get past it?
I have talked to others with similar experiences. We all have come to the same conclusion that you’re never going to get over it, you have to accept it and deal with it. But I mean it wouldn’t stand in my way of having normal functioning relationships.