Three years ago, I began an Arthur article for Issue Zero (my first, actually) complaining about how the summer was speeding by before my freshman year.
I guess I was trying to cling onto that last little bit of youth before heading off into the big world.
By contrast, now heading into my final year at Trent, I find myself doing the opposite. I kind of want the summer to be over.
The world I faced as a freshman no longer seems so big. It was too easy to adapt to the quick and easy lifestyle of a student, where I could waste an entire day doing nothing, nursing a hangover, and not feel a single whiff of guilt about it.
It was easy to open my eyes to new opportunities and embrace the change. And now my life is about to change yet again — with the promise of graduation looming in a few semesters.
There was a time in my life when, if I really wanted to stress myself out, I would just ask myself what my plans are after school. And even if my toes still clench at the idea of the unforeseen future, it no longer makes me break out in hives.
Sometimes you have to step back, take a breath, and think, “At least I’m here.” I say this because my life took a direction that I never intended to happen.
This summer, I published my very first book. I say first because I never intend to stop writing, no matter what career path I choose. And I realized, ultimately, this was my goal from the beginning.
The publication is not like a “quit school and write forever” kind of deal, but it did put me on the right path.
If someone had told me in my freshman year that I would eventually drop my Honours and still be no closer to knowing what I want to do by the time I graduate, I probably would doubted this whole school thing from the beginning.
But the truth is, everyone’s kind of in the same boat. And there’s something kind of freeing about deciding what to do with my future now.
I could continue with school, true. I could move back home, I could work, I could volunteer, I could go on a road trip, I could write another book.
In fact, I just might take off for a few months to Europe and take the time to myself that I should have taken right after high school.
Will any of that help me on my way to discovering “What I Want To Do?” Maybe. Maybe not.
If I’ve learned anything (and don’t get me wrong, I’ve learned lots of things here,) it’s that everyone has that pesky WIWTD question to deal with, and everyone solves it at a different pace.
My first article lamented the fact that summer went too fast; that I wasted it not accomplishing anything.
This time around, I’m embracing not doing anything. Because sooner than later, I’m going to be doing something, and that something is my choice.
Plans change.