When I first set about directing the Poly Sex Confidential documentary in 2010, there were few people that knew about the polyamory lifestyle.
When I moved to Vancouver I discovered a vast array of poly people in a network called Van Poly. And now, across the globe, people have started to be curious of what polyamory is and if indeed it would be a viable option for relationships in the 21st century.
It was during this time that I discovered positive sexual experiences, open relationships, non-monogamy and consensual, healthy disclosure of other loves. Within this community I learned about my own insecurities and jealousies, and about a term called “compersion” that means to celebrate your primary beloved being in love with another.
Essential polyamory means love of many. It is a mutually agreed upon arrangement with consenting adults that is non exclusive.
The emphasis is on personal discovery and healthy emotional communication that is honest, and within values and principles that encourage deeply bonding with multiple relationships in a loving way.
The more I began searching for information by reading books called Sex At Dawn by Christopher Ryan or Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton, the more capable I was to use my non-violent communication skills to better equip myself in this new found lifestyle that questioned the nuclear family marriage of only two people.
That lifestyle used to make sense in the 50s perhaps, but doesn’t make a lot of sense to someone like me who loves travel, communication, technology and is affectionate with many beautiful people.
I still find myself attracted to relationships that resemble primary bonding, yet now that I know about polyamory, I am more likely going to fall in love with many people and my beloved will fall in love with many people during this brief lifetime. Now that I have accepted that, I feel as though there is so much more emotional expansiveness and love to share.
Life is so temporary, so it’s refreshing to know that there are so many beautiful people in the world to love. There is an abundance of people that have so much in common with me and now that I am learning about self love, it multiplies.
Self Love found its way into my polyamory lifestyle since every relationship is a mirror, we are confronted with our shadow side and our loving beautiful selves right back at us.
It is the way in which we learn how to love ourselves, radical self acceptance, engaged compassion for others, and for ourselves. It has enabled me to learn how to love more people because I have learned to love myself.
This is the transformational journey of the Great Turning towards a humanity that can transmute great fear into great love, and through self love and love of many I feel this is the way humans can move towards greater peace and harmony.